I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
