Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
