The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
