oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
