I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
