Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
