i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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