This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
