3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
