dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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