We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
