I seem to have left my pride at pride
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize