Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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