Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
