Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
