I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
