i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
