i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
