She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You can't motorboat a personality
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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