I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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