Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
