She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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