When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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