Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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