No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize