should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
