so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
false alarm. still invincible.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize