Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
