Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
