dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
