Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
