they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
