I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
