I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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