tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
