Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
