the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
