I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
