Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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