You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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