If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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