it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
