I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Found the puke drawer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
