She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
