everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
