Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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