at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
