if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
