i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
