we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
