she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
