Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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