it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
