I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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