I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize