Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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