he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
