But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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