Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
