doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
