Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
