the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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