So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
