Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
