My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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