first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
