my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I sprained my soul last night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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