Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bet he comes in French.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
