He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
