They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
