i jhust puked up my retainher.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
