nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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