There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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