i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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