the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
