Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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