none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
