just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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