it's too hot outside to masturbate.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
