Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
