the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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