watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
not ubering you a puppy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
