Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The air was thick with penises
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
