He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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