Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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