I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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