Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
