I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize