mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
