... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
