the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
