Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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