Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
