xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
