So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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