Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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