my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
