i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
