some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
