Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
