im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I still have a little drunk in my system
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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